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Dangerous Traffic
All morning Skinny McKinney and Chocolate Rat had been sitting in front of the picture window at the front of the house staring out at the street. Finally Tilly could resist no longer. "What are you doing?" he asked his friends. "Waiting for some exciting new weather to roll in?"
"Counting cars," Skinny said.
"Yeah, we're counting cars," Chocolate mumbled. "Just counting cars."
"And trucks!" Skinny remarked. "Trucks count, too."
"Right. Trucks," Chocolate agreed. "We're counting them."
"Ah," Tilly said. He looked out at the street. "Don't seem to be too many today. In fact, it seems like a remarkably light traffic day so far."
Intent on the empty street, neither Skinny nor Chocolate responded to Tilly's observation. Tilly went off to do a load of laundry and find a recipe for a layer cake for Herbert Swan's upcoming birthday. An hour later he checked back on his friends. They were still in front of the window.
"Still counting cars?" Tilly observed. "Has the traffic picked up?"
"Not yet," Skinny said sulkily.
"Do you mind if I ask why you're counting cars?"
"It's a bet," Chocolate said, his eyes never leaving the road.
"Yeah, a bet," Skinny agreed, his eyes also fixed on the avenue.
"What kind of a bet?"
"A pound of chocolate," Skinny said.
"The best kind," Chocolate said. "Winner take all."
"Mm. And what determines who the winner is?"
"The number of cars," Skinny said.
"And trucks," Chocolate added.
"Cars and trucks. And busses and motorcycles and tractors," Skinny said.
"But no bicycles," Chocolate specified.
"Right. Only vehicles with four wheels," Skinny said.
"Motorcycles have only two wheels," Tilly pointed out.
"Motorcycles with sidecars," Skinny said.
"Yeah, sidecars," Chocolate echoed.
"But trucks have more than four wheels," Tilly said. "Some semi-trailer trucks have as many as 18 wheels."
"So?" said Skinny.
"So?" said Chocolate.
"You said you were only counting vehicles with four wheels. And trucks have more. And tractors have fewer."
"Some tractors have four wheels," Skinny said.
"We're counting cars," Chocolate said.
"Yeah, cars," Skinny said.
"Okay, okay, I was just trying to be helpful. And I still don't see how you tell who wins."
"More cars go right to left," Skinny said.
"Left to right," Chocolate said.
"And now we're counting to see who's right," Skinny said.
"I see, right or left. But wouldn't it depend what side of the street you were on?" Tilly asked.
"We're on this side of the street," Chocolate said. "Boy, are you silly."
"Silly," Skinny agreed. "And I'm sure it's right to left."
"Left to right," Chocolate said.
"I know, and now you're counting them," Tilly said. "But do you have to stay here all day to do it? I was hoping we could go on a picnic this afternoon."
"Have to stay," Skinny said. "All day, that's the rules. Sunrise to sunset."
"Counting cars," Chocolate said.
"Couldn't you set up the video camera?" Tilly suggested. "Just for the afternoon, I mean. Then this evening you could count from the tape during playback. Run it at fast speed and it would go quicker."
"Batteries won't last long enough for all afternoon," Skinny said.
"You could plug it in," Tilly proposed.
"Might be a power failure," Chocolate said.
"You sure are taking this seriously," Tilly remarked. "What if you sprinkled a line of sand across the road. Cars going left to right would spray the sand more to the left. Cars going right to left would spray the sand more to the right. At the end of the day all you have to do is see which side of the line has more sand. Good idea, huh?"
"Bad idea," Chocolate said. "What if some wind comes up? Blows the sand the wrong way?"
"Or what if," Skinny said, "what if some kids with shovels and sand buckets come out and think the street is a beach?"
"Kids around here know better than to play in the street," Tilly said.
"Yeah, but you know how on hot days the highway shimmers in the distance like an oasis?" Skinny said.
"You mean 'mirage,'" Chocolate said.
"Either way," Skinny said. "One naughty kid with a plastic pail could cost me my chocolate."
"My chocolate," Chocolate said.
"All right, all right, I get the picture. I'll go on the picnic myself," Tilly said. "By the way, who's winning as of now?"
"As of now," Skinny said, consulting his clipboard, "as of now it's zero zero."
"You're kidding," Tilly said.
"Nope," Chocolate confirmed, having glanced at his own clipboard. "As of this moment in time it's all tied up zippo a piece. But afternoon rush hour is right around the corner."
"Yup, the right corner," Skinny proclaimed.
"The left corner!" Chocolate replied.
"You wish!" Skinny said.
"I know," Chocolate said.
"No way!" Skinny said.
"No way no way," Chocolate said.
Tilly went on the picnic by himself. He had tasty lunch, read a suspenseful detective book, lay on a blanket enjoying the cool breeze and the warm sun, and snoozed for a refreshing minute or ten. Late afternoon Tilly packed up his stuff and drove home. When he got to his street he had to stop, however; there was a sign he'd not seen before, the lettering only slightly dribbled: One Way, No Entry.
Tilly swung around the block, approaching his street from the other direction. There he saw a similar sign. One Way. Do Not Enter.
Interesting, Tilly said to himself. Seems I live on a no-way street.
story by Walter Galen
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