The Tillyville Times

MISSING: ONE FAT BILLY GOAT
by Humbert Johns

Tillyville barber Pompadour has a problem with hair. Not with cutting it, but what to do with it afterwards. The better his business, the more hair he has to deal with:

"I cut 'em and cut 'em," he said, waving hairy arms in all directions in his barber shop, "and they lay there and lay there. Now, hairs everywheres!"

It's true, Boneparte, the Tillyville Barber Shop's trusty hair-eating billy goat, has gone missing. Not for the first time.

"Every year he pressed his nose to the window, watching the leaves fall down," Pompadour said. "I tell him, No-no, mon frere, the leaves are very bad for your tummy. Especially the red ones, but they are his favorite. He says they taste like red licorice."

This reporter tested this by eating a red leaf for this story. No flavor.

Residents should report suddenly disappearing piles of leaves. Especially under sugar maple trees. Also, goats with French accents should be regarded with suspicion.

Meanwhile, the Tillyville Barber Shop is under emergency hours; haircuts are limited. "Only for job interviews and school pictures," Pompadour said.

He winced and held his back while sweeping hair clippings into a dustpan. Still, back pain is hardly the worst of his concerns.

"Think of how many fallen red leaves there are in Tillyville!" he groaned.

Read any good books lately? Seen any good movies? Send your book or movie review to Tilly@tillyville.com for possible publication in the The Tillyville Times.

Make a Wish!

Fall is here, but there's still time to make a wish in the Tillyville Fountain. Hurry before winter comes and the goldfish freeze. Make a wish today.

This Week in Tillyville

You'd think that at school all witches are good at spelling ... get it, witches, spelling? But not our Wanda, who on Sunday proves once again that teachers are underpaid.

Monday Tilly, Skinny, and Chocolate take on Horst Krause, Verspers Davis, and Brooklyn Gorilla in the Outdoor Three on Three Basketball Tournament.

Tuesday Skinny learns a lesson about repotting. Sort of.

Wednesday's supposed to be a scorcher, and Skinny, the inventor, thinks he has a profitable way to beat the weather.

You won't want to miss the big parade this Thursday. Of course parades aren't what they were in Herbert Swan's day.

On Friday, Dorian tells Audrey a bedtime story about tap-dancing rats and free cotton candy at the end of every school day!

Dr. Gazpacho is tired--he cannot sleep. Think how tired he'll be Saturday when he meets the Hm.