The Tillyville Times

Let's look at the evidence:

Mrs. Hutchbottom made chocolate cream pie.

Chocolate Rat ate the entire chocolate cream pie.

Mrs. Hutchbottom felt badly that Skinny and Tilly didn't get any pie.

Mrs. Hutchbottom baked special pies for Skinny and Tilly.

Mrs. Hutchbottom, trying to deliver the special pies to Skinny and Tilly, tripped on Skinny's toy race car and sat on top of it, squashing it beyond repair.

"I've always wanted to ride in a race car," Mrs. Hutchbottom said after the accident, after she had brushed some of the bits of spilled pie from her hair and face and blouse. "The Kentucky Derby," she said, getting slowly to her feet, and then she giggled. "No, that's a horse race, isn't it? Hee, hee, hee, hee."

Skinny pressed the go button on his race car controller. The red light came on, but that was all.

"It all the fault of that crazed Chocolate Rat," Skinny said.

When confronted with the evidence, Chocolate Rat didn't see it that way. "I was only doing my job," Chocolate said. No, wait, that's not what he said. He said, "I was only following orders." No, wait. He didn't say that either. He said, "Sunspots."

Okay, I forget what Chocolate Rat said. Somebody remember to remind me.

One thing I do remember: Chocolate persuaded Skinny that the race car controller, which Skinny thought was useless, still had a purpose in life. So Skinny took the controller to Tilly's workshop and tinkered with it for a while. Then he showed it to Chocolate. "You were right," he said to Chocolate Rat. Skinny tricked Chocolate Rat into believing that the controller could be used to find chocolate. Skinny said that when the controller button was pressed and the red light lit up, that meant that chocolate was near.

I don't exactly remember what the trick was, but it was very tricky. I can't be expected to remember every little detail, can I? When you get to be my age, the details go fuzzy sometimes. Maybe it's my reading glasses need cleaning. Maybe it's my writing glasses need adjustment. Maybe it's sunspots. In any event, Chocolate fell for it.

"You have to buy me a new racing car ... You have to buy me a new racing car," Skinny chanted.

"Sure," Chocolate Rat said. "A fabulous piece of machinery such as this controller is easily worth a new racing car, but one thing: How are you going to control your new racing car without this controller?"

"I get a new controller, too," Skinny said.

"Oh, no," Chocolate told him. "You just get the car. The controller is extra. I made no commitment to get you a controller. Good luck driving it without this." And Chocolate Rat held up the controller. "Meanwhile, I'll be using it to find acres and acres of new chocolate. Mm, I can't wait to get started."

"Well, it doesn't really find new chocolate," Skinny confessed. "That was just a trick."

"No it wasn't, it really works," Chocolate professed. He aimed the controller at the grandfather clock in the corner, the one that had been stuck at a quarter past three for months and months if not years and years. He pressed the button and the red light lit. Chocolate strolled confidently to the grandfather clock and opened up the side panel. "Let's see," he said, reaching his hand in. "Aha!" He pulled out a pouch. "What could be in here?" he said. He opened the pouch. "Chocolate," he said. "Looks like twenty pieces at least."

Before Skinny could say anything, Chocolate aimed the controller at the little red radio, the one that only got one station no matter how much one spun the dial. Chocolate pressed the button. Again the red light went on. "Hm," Chocolate Rat hummed. He lifted the little red radio's case. Underneath was a slim plastic container. Inside the container, six wafer thin bars of expensive imported chocolate. "Yummy, yum, yum," Chocolate Rat sang as he replaced the radio's case. "This controller is really working great."

Chocolate Rat looked around the room. There on the desk sat Tilly's typewriter, a Corona Four. Tilly loved the comforting sound it made, the soft-sharp clackety-clack, and he had used it to type thank you notes until the question mark key and the "U" and the "K" started sticking. It's hard to type "thank you" without a "U" or a "K"—it comes out "than yo." When you write "Than yo for the ride on the fire trc. Hgs and isses," people get confused. Chocolate Rat pointed his controller at the Corona Four and pressed the button. Sure enough the light blinked bright red. "Hoo boy," Chocolate said, and he lifted up the Corona's lid and pulled five foil wrapped chocolate balls from beneath the keys.

"You see how valuable this controller is?" Chocolate said to Skinny. "It finds chocolate everywhere." He aimed the controller at Skinny.

This Week in Tillyville

What's up with Automatic Ed, anyway? The best three-point shooter in the conference can't sink a shot? Let's investigate, Sunday.

Tilly ventures out Monday evening for a Late Night Snack. Sometimes the menu says it all. Sometimes the menu says nothing.

Tuesday Geneva Owl has a cold. Tilly and Skinny volunteer to mow her lawn, and the results are about what you'd expect. Okay, what did you expect? Fess up!

In Wednesday's doubleheader Tilly Squirrel does more than talk a good game.

Thursday finds Geneva Owl in the market for a castle.

Justice has found a page in Dorian's handwriting titled "The Pythons." What has our heroine stumbled onto? Find out Friday!

On Saturday, the Hm visits a jeweler. How much is a mysterious intergalactic object worth, anyway?

"Wait," said Skinny. "The deal didn't go through. We didn't shake on it."

"The deal went through," Chocolate insisted.

"Well, what would you want for the controller?"

"I don't know if I could part with it," Chocolate said. "I don't know if I could part with it for less than twenty pieces of chocolate."

"How about ten?" Skinny asked.

"How about thirty?" Chocolate said.

"Wait. A moment ago you said less than twenty."

"I said not less than twenty," Chocolate said. "Thirty is not less than twenty."

"Okay, thirty," Skinny said.

"Nice doing business with you," Chocolate said.

When Tilly got home he was surprised to find that the old grandfather clock was going again (even though it was running almost eleven minutes slow—probably it'll take a while to get his strength back). Tilly was also surprised to find that the little red radio played almost all the stations.

"Wow," Tilly said. "I wonder what caused the radio and the clock to start working again."

Chocolate Rat shrugged. "Sunspots?"