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The Tillyville Times
June 1, 2004
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FIRST EDITION!
Welcome to Tillyville!
A new story direct to you every day via email.
This Week in Tillyville
It’s getting close to summer, so naturally, Tilly and his friends Skinny and Chocolate scoot off to Lookout Mountain for some skiing.
On Tuesday Tilly cooks up a big batch of delicious Chia Pet Chowder while Skinny and Chocolate discover why chia pets can't fall in love.
On Wednesday Skinny sneezes.
Someone is stealing Chocolate Rat's chocolate supply. Thursday discover how Tilly catches the culprit in Chocolate Is the Mother of Invention.
Friday we meet Dorian and his family in Peanut Butter and Jellyfish Sandwich.
And on Saturday The Hm from Outer Space finally arrives on Earth.
The first in a series of exciting adventures. You won’t want to miss any of them.
Letters to the Editor
Dear Editor:
Thank you in advance for starting a Tillyville newspaper. Around here it’s always good to have something to read and even better to have something to wrap the fish in. Hee hee, that’s just a joke. You can use it if you want. Seriously, I do hope you make the newspaper funny. I do like to laugh. And sad, too. Nothing like a good cry. Oh, and can you make it thrilling? Up here in Welks Landing not too much exciting happens except for the ice. But don’t make it too funny. If I laugh too hard it scares the cat, Williams, and he scratches me and hides in the clock and time goes all funny. And better not make it too sad, either, because then my husband Burk will think I’ve chopped onions for the stew and onions don’t agree with him. They give him gas. So mostly could you make it exciting? If you need help with that, I could send you some ice.
Sincerely,
Dear Editor :
I am delighted to have discovered Tillyville. Enchanting! And that does not just cover the magic tricks! I have already had so much fun getting acquainted with Tilbert J. - or shall I call him Till for short? - and Skinny and Chocolate Rat and all the other sometimes mischievous and always charming characters, and I can’t wait to share in their upcoming adventures. Out of curiosity, what does the “J” stand for? Uh oh – I should not have started thinking of all the questions I hope Tilly and his friends can answer – such as, what do the conversations between base runners and basemen sound like? And who can spit watermelon seeds farther – a llama or a camel? And how do you treat a sundial’s sunburn and a wind chime’s windburn and a rug rat’s rug burn? And last but not least, how can I get a hold of that slippery recipe for Prickly Pear Stew? If Tillyville can shed light on these topics that keep me awake during my naptime, I will be so grateful. In fact, I already am, because now I know what to give my pals on special occasions – gift subscriptions to Tillyville!
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UFO? METEOR?
"It had a brilliant white tail, and sort of whistled across the sky," said Chuck Forearm, security guard at Tillyville’s Magnolia Golf Course. "I immediately embarked in my golf cart, but only encountered two perpetrators who had sneaked onto the premises in the vicinity of the third green."
Strange sightings like Johns' were reported across Tillyville yesterday. The shooting star sparked wild speculation, from Pompadour's Barber Shop to the Suite Tooth diner. Authorities urge calm.
"These claims about UFOs are h-h-h-hatchoo!-hatchoo!-hoaxes," said scientist Gordon Fitz, who sneezes when saying H's. "It's simply h-h-h-hatchoo!-hatchoo!-hysteria. Like people thinking Martians had landed when they heard 'Wuh-Wuh-War of the Wuh-Wuh-Wuh-Worlds' on the radio." Fitz added that he doesn't do well with W's either.
NASA says up to 4 billion meteors fall to earth each day. Their glowing tails result from heat they produce rocketing through the air. A meteorite is a meteor that reaches earth without burning into vapor.
When asked by this reporter whether this particular UFO was a shooting star, a comet, a meteor, a meteorite, or something else, Fitz said, “Hm.” The Influence of Butterflies upon the Weather in Siberia
A thin snow fell thick and fast. None of those big fat flakes soft and white as lazy cats, these pelted down in a steady stream like an icy shower of albino ants, covering the lawn, the sidewalk, the street, the cars, covering everything, and Tilly and Skinny looked out at the dreary, ubiquitous white, and then Tilly went to make a big pot of special tea and Skinny went to the computer to make reservations.
Not long after that Tilly and Skinny stood on the grassy mound overlooking Aruba. "I thought it would be windy," Tilly said. "I thought there would be butterflies. Where are all the butterflies?"
"Maybe the wind blew them away, sir," Skinny speculated.
"What wind?" Tilly said. "There's no wind."
"Maybe the wind blew it away, sir."
"Why do you keep calling me sir?" Tilly asked.
Just then a portly man in an antique military uniform arrived, quite out of breath. "We're ready for the attack, Captain Squirrel," the uniformed man huffed. "My boys are in position."
"Attack?" Tilly said. "What attack? Attack what?"
"Oh, I get it, you're worried about your spiritual ancestors. I shouldn't worry about them. My boys can just brush them aside."
"Look, Colonel Cake," Tilly said, observing the name tag stenciled on the uniformed man's pith helmet, "Colonel Goat Cake, if that really is your name—"
"It's Carkey," the man replied. "The R is silent."
"What R?" Tilly said.
"Maybe the wind blew it away," Skinny said.
Just then a pair of soldiers drove up in a mud-spattered Jeep, hopped out, and approached briskly. "Good news, Colonel Carkey," said one of them. "The fog has lifted. We can all go home."
"Well, that is good news," the Colonel said, and without so much as a nod to Tilly, he left with his men.
"What about us?" Tilly asked. "Don't we get to go home?" Then he noticed that something had changed. Butterflies filled the field below, millions of brightly colored butterflies, swirling in the swirling wind. Tilly watched them for a while. "What are they doing?" he asked Skinny.
"Making weather," Skinny said. "Either that or playing football."
"Ah, well let's go join them," Tilly said. And Tilly and Skinny rushed down the hillside into the midst of the melee.
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